Really good yoga class last night. I was having some body image issues (the issue being that in my head I have a more conventionally attractive body), which were no doubt aggravated by a week of french fries & left-over turkey...but I wore the bodysuit anyway. I'm determined to stop living in denial about myself. In a crazy way, wearing the bodysuit in public is like an old fashioned mortification of the flesh - but instead of whipping myself in a Medieval Christian parade, I just look at my flesh & feel mortified. I'm not sure if this will make me a better Christian, but maybe I can reclaim the headspace that is now devoted to pretending that I didn't gain 15 pounds in first year university. And then, who knows? I just might have a theological breakthrough.

In any case, that's the background to yesterday's class. We did the child pose again, which is very relaxing for almost everyone, myself excepted of course. I apparently have some very fucked up feet and the pain was just excruciating. In fact, my feet hurt so much that I couldn't extend the stretch to the point where my knees & ankles would start to ache - which, I have to admit, is a mixed blessing. It turned into something really interesting part way through the exercise when we were paired up for some light stretching/massage - even as I felt the deep joy of a good back rub, I had to manage the fact that my feet hurt like a son of a bitch & relax around the pain. The instructor was surprised that I had stood it for so long, but it didn't seem like a very big deal at the time: I had the choice of running away from the pain like I always do or seeing if I could act like everyone else. Getting through it made me feel incredible: even though I could barely stand up for a few minutes, I was grinning like a fool. And in retrospect, I'm not sure if I could've done that anywhere but under the gaze of a dozen women. Mm...pride is a terrible thing.

The Boy came home last night, giving me one more reason why it's hard to get out of bed in the morning. The new mattress tends to envelop & coddle - with one more heat signature in the bed, it becomes paradise. I mean, for that reason and so many others.