january 6, 2001. epiphany Another slow, snowy afternoon. I'm starting to get a bit of cabin fever, as the Boy is the only human I've talked to face-to-face in the last week and a half. I almost want school to start up again, but then I remember long afternoons as the invisible girl and think better of it. We just finished watching Two thousand and none, a made for TMN movie starring John Turturro. It was kind of strange and slow, in a very Canadian way (there's something indescribable about the pacing of Canadian movies). The plot revolved around an Armenian-Canadian paleontologist who develops a terminal brain illness and what he does with his last five weeks. This, of course, led to the predictable musings: what would I do if I was under such a sentence? I'd get my tuition back first, then go to England/Europe to see museums & galleries for 10 days or so. Then I'd go back to Toronto with the Boy for my last days. I envision a lot of dancing, writing & crying. Maybe I'll even kiss a girl, who knows? I'm not sure whether I should tell my parents or not - they'd freak out and I really don't need that cluttering up my last days. Actually, I'm not sure if I'd tell anyone. The Boy, of course, but after that? Who could I trust not to blow up? But since I'm such a terrible blabbermouth I'm not even certain that it's a secret I could keep. Knowing me, I might as well print it on business cards. Besides movie viewing, I've been slowly cleaning up the house from the mess of our homecoming. It's been very little dramatic cleaning; instead I've been rearranging piles of stuff in closets & boxes. I'm not sure why. Perhaps it's to feel a bigger connection with my material goods. I do know that I feel incrementally more comfortable in my house today, which surprises me. It's a nice house, but it's never felt like mine. Today I created a cluttered wall of pictures, flyers, clippings and comix from my collection and the study finally feels like home. Which is good. Because barring sudden brain disease, this is home for the next 20 months and it might as well be a good home.