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february 15, 2001.New index page! Not changed since 1998, today there is a new splash graphic courtesy of Lilek's Orphanage of Cast-Off Mascots. Whee!!!!
The Toronto recruiters arrived at the department of education yesterday. All day I could hear snatches of conversation from the second years about school boards, salaries, postings and the like. It was disorienting, because quite a large part of me wants to go back - I'm just not sure if it's the best idea to plunge right back into the SoOnt education whirlpool. As corny as this sounds, I'm not sure that the Boy is ready for that yet. This isn't the place to delve into his psyche: it's wife's privilege to know, but I'm not sure that I should be blabbing publicly. Let's just say that he's very happy to be living in a place far removed for the nerve centre. There's something liberating about being in a place that didn't see you grow up, that didn't watch your mistakes and false starts - and I'm speaking for the both of us now. As for my own motivations, part of me - the part that wants interesting stories to tell in my old age - is looking at these far away jobs with more than passing interest. If I took linguistics next year I could be well on my way to teaching an ESL-based curriculum anywhere. English may be the new lingua franca, but I'm rapidly learning that every place in the world needs an English-speaking teacher that can handle the influence of a second language. Even in the North of Canada, 95% of the students speak the Inuit language. Just think how ass-kicking my social studies lessons would be with REAL LIFE EXPERIENCE backing them up. Hm. Tangent. Anyhoo, I'm glad I don't have to decide until next year. And I'm glad that I'll be able to make a decision that's best for us in relative social isolation. For when there's loved ones around, I make decisions for them. And my parents are always X Factors in these kinds of decisions. This is important - I need to decide without feeling the deep-sea pressure of my parents to return to their orbit.
Yesterday night after an unsettling session of the Class that Makes Everyone Angry I went out for cheesecake with some colleagues. Mmm. It was very genteel - a bunch of chicks (and the Boy) sitting around with tea & cake, laughing about stuff. I felt relaxed and happy until I realized that the sugar and caffeine had put off sleep for a good long while. Oh well. It gave me a chance to discuss important issues in education with the Boy...until he begged me to let him sleep. Yep, I'm an interesting girl. Wired & talkative, I rule the world.
I know this is a day late, but I only saw it today, and damn it, it's my journal. Inspired by Ms. Woo, (inspired in turn by the Barbelith Collective), I have a list of love songs. Not so much songs that embody love, but songs that embody times I was in love. (I'm a Blue remember, so it's all relationships all the time in my world.)
July 1993: "Unknown Legend" Neil Young Good Lord, did I ever have a crush on Mr. Shoreleave. Life sucks when you think you're in love with your best friend's boy. Being 16, I coped with it by writing convoluted passages in my diary about past lives and mystical inevitability. He was big into Neil Young, and once we sang this song together, just sitting around in his basement, nobody else around. I can still remember the expression on his face. He had the strumming down pat. February 1995: "Lenny," Stevie Ray Vaughan Guitar apotheosis in less than 15 minutes. This was my "song" with Alexi. I don't think that anything more needs to be said. (Did you used to be a rock-on Amoret? Why, yes I did!) February 1997: "The One That Got Away," Tom Waits Now we're entering into the period of songs that remind me inescapably of Poet. Not Poet as I wish to remember him. This song forces me recall scenes that make me blush with hot embarrassment even now. tattoo parlour's warm / and so I huddle there inside / the grinding of the buzz saw / whatchuwanthathingtosay? / just, don't misspell her name, buddy she's the one that got away... February 1997: "Cloud On My Tongue," Tori Amos Actually a great deal of the "Under the Pink" album falls under the same category as the previous tune. It's not just the song, it's the tones, it's the way she sings the words, it's how I could fold up my teeming emotions and fit them into every surreal word she had to say. you're already in there / I'll be wearing your tattoo. February 1997: "Lovesick Lullabye," Big Rude Jake The final song in the "when I was crazy in love with Poet" category. Just a perfect distillation of a doomed relationship, painted in slick "guys and dolls" watercolours. These days I can listen to this song without wincing. No small feat. I keep telling myself this time we're through / and I ain't gonna take anymore of this here shit from you / then I hear your voice and I forget what I was gonna say... March 1998 "I can feel it," Sloan The last song on a perfect album. I'm not naming names, but for 3 weeks, I listened to it over & over & stared out my window & sighed. you can tell a million lies / and I'd think they all were true / trust / that's my trust in you. August 1998: "I can't wait to get off work (and see my baby on Montgomery Avenue)," Tom Waits In the first week of dating, the Boy came to pick me up after work. 'All night I kept thinking about that Tom Waits song,' he said, smiling at me. 'It's about masturbation, you know,' I said thoughtlessly, obviously convinced that now was the perfect time to pass on trivia I head from St. Jack. Then I heard my words again in my head. Oh lord. Later I thought that anyone who could deal with me saying that during a self-consciously sentimental moment was someone I wanted to know. she said she'd leave the porch light on for me... November 1998: "Can't Stand Losing You," the Police During the 3 days that the Boy broke up with me, I must've listened to this song a hundred times. I guess this is our last goodbye / and you don't care so I won't cry / you'll be sorry when I'm dead / and all this guilt will be on your head 1998: "Never Be Lonely," the Boy In the first few months, whenever he would leave my house I felt like it was the end of the world. This was his response. Simple & to the point: I love you and you should never be lonely. 1999: "Enjoy the Silence," Depeche Mode Corny corny corny. One night at the Garden the Boy grabbed me and we sang it to each other. Drown in the silliness. words like violence / break the silence Yes. Yes. I am the biggest sap, but at least it comes from somewhere real. |
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